A Fourth of July Reflection.

On a summer’s evening some years ago, a Michigan weather system somehow managed to find its way south to the usually steamy heartland of the Mississippi River Valley.  This once-in-a-decade weather event happily coincided with a family camping trip that we enjoyed with a dear friend and his younger brother.  Attempting to take full advantage of this rare opportunity, I sat on a late night dock enjoying an adult beverage with my buddy.  

This was the kind of starlit night that has inspired many a Disney animator.  Tiny dots of  blue star-light reflected up from the glassy lake just below us.  Overhead, an occasional satellite threaded a lazy pathway through the summer constellations.  Amphibious musicians graciously provided background music, harmonizing with the occasional whippoorwill.  I suspect that if a meteorologist did the math, she would find that, cumulatively, the Saint Louis area gets no more than two weeks of this kind of night-time weather per year.  

So, how did I savor this precious and rare resource given to me on this one enchanted evening?  I would like to tell you that after my friends retired to their campsite, I woke up my wife and passionately kissed her under the starlit sky.   Perhaps, like a Burce Springstein or John Melancamp song, you might be thinking that I revisited some shared bygone glory days with my old buddy?  But alas, this did not come to pass either.  At the very least, wouldn’t you think a guy with a spiritual sensibility would observe a moment of silence to appreciate God’s grandeur…maybe even hum a few bars of “How Great Thou Art”?  But that’s not what happened either.    

As fast as a shooting star streaks across the sky, an errant comment set off a heated political conversation.  If you are a conservative-minded reader, imagine that somehow you found yourself as a guest on a talk show hosted by Rachael Maddow.  If you are more liberally minded, picture yourself on a set with Tucker Carlson being peppered with rapid-fire questions, and caustic observations.   

As far as I could tell, the sound and fury generated by our nonsense caused the pond and woodland musicians all around us to hang up their instruments and turn in for the night.  Somewhere in the midst of this fireworks display that created heat, but no light, the stars seemed to fade from the sky.  And at the end, when all was said and done, I tossed and turned in my sleeping bag that night thinking of the comment I could have said, should have said, wished I hadn’t said…the romance of that evening was thoroughly sucked away.  

Are you from the Left or the Right?  Are you a Dove or a Hawk?  Did you vote for Joe Biden, or Donald Trump?  Are you a Democrat, a Republican, an Independent?  Is the Tea Party your jam, or does your heart burn for Bernie?     

It seems to me that it is not only our government officials who have forgotten how to work with each other, or talk to each other.  Walled off into our self-selected intellectually gated media communities, we could all use a lesson or two on the give and take of dialogue.  

In my college logic classes, we were taught that it was bad form to shift a debate from the issue at hand to accusations about an opponent’s character.  It was called an ad hominem argument.  Debate teams would lose points when they engaged in this tactic.  Nowadays ad hominem arguments are the norm.  Conversations have shifted from what is “right or wrong,” “true or false,” into diatribes about who is “good or bad.”  There are no longer any opponents, there are only enemies.

What is a spiritually animated person to do in such a mileau?  I would like to suggest that if we utilize the the ancient tools of the spiritual masters from our religious traditions, we could discern standards by which we can judge the dialogue process.  My belief is that if we attend to the how of our seeking the truth together, then the endpoint is more likely to reflect the spiritual values we espouse.


Rule Number One:  My Opponent is not My Enemy.  Making judgments relative to the character of a public person rather than discussing the cogency of that person’s positions is not supported by the admonition to love one’s enemies.

Rule Number TwoWhat Works at Home Works in the Public Forum.  The rules that apply to every good relationship that you ever nourished apply to good public discourse.  Where you see politicians, religious leaders, or pundits behaving like someone who could sustain a friendship with their opponent, you ought to consider reading what they have to say, or perhaps even voting for them.  

Rule Number Three:  No Caricatures Allowed.  There is nothing more annoying than listening to a politician responding to a caricature of his or her opponent’s position.  If I were moderating political debates I would force each candidate to summarize his or her opponent’s position before he or she could respond.  The response would not be allowed until the opponent said, “That’s right.  You said my point of view accurately.”  Too often we allow our leaders, pundits, and candidates to talk past each other.  Dueling monologues don’t work in politics anymore than they work in friendships or marriages.

Rule Number Four:  The Larry Bird vs. Magic Johnson Rule.  Remember how exciting the NBA was in the mid to late Eighties when year after year Magic Johnson’s Lakers battled Larry Bird’s Celtics?  In retrospect those two athletes said that having such a skilled opponent lifted their game to new heights.  A good liberal appreciates a good conservative and vice-versa because together they hold a creative tension for our society.  Intolerant societies (whether they be families, churches, or governments) are like airplanes with one wing.  Instead of lifting us to new heights they stay tethered to the earth flying in circles around the same boring terrain. 

Rule Number Five:  Exercise Self-Awareness, Especially Body Awareness. Do you know what kindness and gentleness feel like in your body?  If not, cast your memory back to a moment when you were on the receiving end of such an interaction, or provided it for someone else.  Having located that feeling, utilize that body awareness as a kind of criterion that must be met before speaking.  In absence of it, remain silent.  Those with spiritual maturity know that kindness and gentleness are hard won muscular virtues.  They are the bedrock for family development, generative organizations, and fully functioning societies.       

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