The months of September and October will be busy for me as I’ll be providing resilience retreats for health care professionals. I have asked some authors and professionals with deep experience in resilience to provide guest articles to Sunday Morning Café while I am traveling and speaking. In introducing you to my friend, Don Eggleston (M.Div., M.Ed.) I feel a little like Lorne Michael who scored the comedian, George Carlin, for his very first episode of Saturday Night Live (SNL).

Don Eggleston has been a decades-long mentor, and friend to me. For many years he served as the Executive Vice President for Mission Integration for the over 35,000 employees of SSM Health (that system has grown even larger since then). Currently he assists various organizations and leaders around the country in locating personal and professional meaning and purpose. In his writings, in his talks, in his retreats, and in his coaching, Don’s warm humanity, and decades of hard-won wisdom shine through. I am excited that he took up my invitation and has written a series of three reflections. For a change, I will be kicking back on Sunday mornings with a cup of coffee, and allowing Don to direct my reflection. Thanks Don for pitching in. And thanks for reading. Hey SMC readers, you are in for a treat!

Think of an “Oh No!” moment in your life, a time when you were being called out or made to reveal something about yourself that was unflattering, worrisome, or embarrassing. It could be a simple as being unprepared to answer a question in a classroom or not being able to speak authoritatively about an issue at work. It could be as significant as having a loved one be intoxicated at a family, workplace or neighborhood gathering. The moment could be as traumatic as having to file for bankruptcy or to face some other form of public financial disgrace.
In the gospel story entitled “The Man With The Withered Hand,” it is crucial to understand the commonly-held belief about illness in the days of Jesus’ earthly ministry. Illness was seen as punishment, a sign of disfavor, the result of sin. In fact, in some passages, when people approached Jesus for healing, the religious leaders would ask “Who sinned?” Was it this person seeking the healing or those who went before him? Who sinned?
And so, at first glance, when Jesus tells the young man in the story to stretch out his hand, it looks like an act of humiliation and thoughtlessness. This is actually the turning point in the story- the declaration that all is not well in this young man’s life. You would think that his inclination would be to hide his hand beneath his cloak, to ask for healing without having others see firsthand what was “wrong” with him. It is this act of vulnerability, the literal and figurative stretching out of his hand that allows a deep, deep healing to occur.
When I first read this passage, I thought to myself that these were such limited, unenlightened people to hold such a judgmental view of illness.
However, in a career in health care, particularly in support of chaplains and ethics leaders, I frequently observed people go to a place of guilt at times of illness. People might associate illness with “payback” for a selfish act earlier in life or for not attending church regularly. When my wife was seriously sick, I remember saying to myself that she didn’t deserve this and, in fact, a number of people came to mind whom I thought deserved to be sick. I was fully prepared to submit a list if asked. In the absence of explanation, we often go to guilt and bargaining. I did…
James Keenan is a Jesuit priest, bioethicist and moral theologian. In his writing, he defines the act of showing mercy as “the willingness to enter into the chaos of another person or place.” This is what Jesus does in this story: he enters into the chaos of the young man. Fr. Keenan’s definition of mercy removes the interaction from a “better than to lower than” equation. Mercy is no longer extended only from the rich to the poor, from the better educated to the poorly educated, from the better housed to the poorly housed… Whatever the setting, the act of mercy begins with the acknowledgement of vulnerability, in declaring that all is not well, whether it is socioeconomic, interpersonal or just deep down inside our individual souls.
The cool thing about moving your hand from beneath your cloak is that true change, true conversion begins at that point. Within the first five minutes of an AA or Al-Anon meetings, someone will be moved to draw back their cloak of shame, secrecy or regret so that they can ultimately wear the hard-won clothing of recovery. Years ago, I had an appointment with a therapist and mostly wept for the first thirty minutes; when I apologized for taking so long to find words, the therapist said: “You have been speaking.” For a time, I volunteered in helping men who had been imprisoned to prepare for the high school equivalency exam. Our times together were certainly not always successful but frequently I saw real progress when the individual stopped blaming others and admitted that he had wasted some precious time. Once he pulled back the cloak over his anger and regret and comparison to others, good stuff started to happen. One of the best parties I ever attended was the high school graduation of a 43 year old man in the back of a pizza joint-not noisy at all, no music… Just quiet gratitude and admiration for his steadfast journey.
These days, if you order one thing online, you are asked—often before the product is used—for feedback on how your shopping experience unfolded. You are then besieged with ad upon ad, opportunity upon opportunity. Occasionally, I have decided to “clean house” by deciding to unsubscribe from the marvelous offers awaiting me. Easy to do, right?
Not really. The “unsubscribe” line is ever so subtly shaded and when you do locate it and click on it, you are asked “Are you sure you’d like to unsubscribe?’ and “Would you like for us to reach out to you in 60 days to see if your needs have changed?” The answers are “No and No.”
To be made whole through the mercy of God, we have to “unsubscribe” from a variety of things:
-Unrelenting self-doubt,
-Excessive comparison to others,
-Unfounded worry,
-Neglect of our bodies through misuse of chemicals, overeating and inactivity,
-The inability to be still and silent,
-Lack of gratitude for the most basic gifts of life,
-A focus on accumulating “likes” vs. living in love.
A therapist named Richard Perry served for years at Harvard as an educator and mentor to aspiring therapists. On more than one occasion he would say: “Sometimes, when I listen to an overly-resistant client, I ask myself ‘What does this person really want and what will he or she do to keep from getting it?”
As St Teresa of Avila wrote over 500 years ago: “Each of us has a soul, but we forget to value it. We don’t remember that we are made in the image of God. We don’t understand the great secrets hidden inside each of us.”
Pull back your cloak and stretch out your hand. . .
Don is the author of two books that read like take-home retreats. Both can be purchased on Amazon.com. They are meant to be absorbed slowly, and read with a journal and pen nearby. Either would be great choices for a spiritual book club.
The Two Dialogues: Interior and Interpersonal Questions that Build Hope and Community.
With All We Are: Mission, Purpose, and Transformation.