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Avoiding Unnecessary Knots: Building Resilience into Your Relationship

In this video, Dr. Tom offers practical, research-based tools to help couples navigate conflicts more successfully. A surprising source of ancient marital wisdom is offered at the end.

One Response to Avoiding Unnecessary Knots: Building Resilience into Your Relationship

  • Andy Wiegert says:

    This has to be one of the truly golden tickets to successful marriages – conflict done right. It addresses what is absolutely inevitable (conflict, disagreement) with a formula for doing it right (which many have difficulty with, more than just at home). Awesome, thank you Tom. The parallel with the Peace Prayer was impactful for me. It reminded me what responsibility *I* have in the conflict.

    Something Lizzie and I struggle with is the battle between her extroversion and my introversion when it comes to processing thought and approaching conflict. My inclination is to retreat, and gather my thoughts; I don’t believe it is to be avoidant of the issue, although perhaps that’s a part of it … instead I just need to .. think. Lizzie on the other hand ‘thinks’ by speaking, to put it one way. She uses her words aloud to process thought, so even the things she’s saying in a dispute or conflict may be recanted or rethought but in my mind, they’ve been said, they are truth. Because that is how I work. Only once my thoughts have gone through the wash, spin cycle, and dryer, am I prepared to take them out and fold them for you. Lizzie would rather scrub those thoughts on the washboard, watch the dirt disappear for herself. This presents challenges in conflict, and requires we both be cognizant of the others’ processes.

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