My wife is slightly track obsessed. Even when her own kids, or their teams aren’t competing, Lisa will follow the accomplishments of what I consider to be rando athletes and programs. From stem to stern, at any given meet, Lisa is glued to the track and field in front of her. I’m more of a fair-weathered fan. I loved watching and cheering for Annalise and John Harry when they were running the 800m and 400m for Washington University. I still love watching Lizzie run those same events now that it’s her turn at Wash U. Unlike Lisa, at any given meet, when my kids or their friends aren’t running, jumping, or vaulting, you can find me with my nose in a book at an annoyingly noisy oval library!
Despite my somewhat passive approach to the sport, a guy can’t help but accumulate a little track wisdom over the course of fourteen years. For example, I’ve learned that a good coach is important, but not as important as an athlete’s commitment to hard work. For the athlete who is dedicated to a one-day-at-a-time disciplined regimen, it’s the subtle, non-dramatic changes that propel them to the awards platform. Success for them is measured in tiny increments.
Track Lessons for a Counselor
The Client is the Guru, Not You
What’s true for track coaches is true for counselors. A good counselor is important, but not as important as a client’s commitment to doing the work, and learning from the work. For example, when a client with a mood disorder takes my advice, and begins engaging in some form of aerobic exercise, one-day-at-a-time, they may attribute their improvement to something I did for them. I know better! When a client starts engaging in a healthy change, my job is to get them curious by asking,“How’d you do that?” Over time, the answers will accumulate into their very own personalized playbook. Then my job, over time, is to strategize with them, and reflect their own wisdom back to them when they get stuck.
Sharpen Up Occam’s Razor: Try Changing a Small ThingFirst
I remember when my son discerned that he runs better kicking hard at the end of a 400m race rather than running out fast and taking the lead in the beginning. That subtle change made all the difference for him.
As a counselor, I’m looking for opportunities for non-dramatic changes that lead to dramatic changes over time. A suggestion, like the movement of the rowing machine from the cold basement to the warm upstairs TV room, may jump start a client’s daily habit of aerobic exercise, which in turn, can improve their mood, and maybe even their relationships. It may not feel as intellectually satisfying as exploring their internalized family systems (IFS), but results are results!
An Early Springtime Proposal
Over the last couple of days, here in the Midwest, we’ve finally caught a break! As the thermometer nudges into the sixties, so many conversations feel like they are paraphrasing George Harrison, It feels like “years since [the sun] has been here.” I find that a kind of optimism tends to show up around this time of year. For Catholic kids like me, these days were associated with the smell of Friday salmon patties and fish sticks. For people of any religious tradition, or no religious tradition at all, this is the time of year when renewal doesn’t seem so far-fetched. Whether your yearly rhythms include a formal Lenten Season, or simply a Springtime season of renewal, I’m wondering what you’ve got in mind for an ongoing practice that could melt a little ice and bring something important out of hibernation for you.
Summoning Your Inner Track-Coach
Looking back, I can see that several SMC articles I’ve written lately have been winding around the theme of potential Springtime or Lenten renewal practices (The Rigorous Practice of Self-Compassion, Dec 31, 2023; Snow Poodle, Jan 14, 2024; The Beauty That Surrounds Us, Jan 28, 2024). The intent of this Sunday’s submission is to call out your inner track coach, not so much for specific ideas, but more for methodological tips in choosing and enacting your practice.
Lately I’ve been reflecting upon a paradox embedded in Mary Oliver’s famous question: “What will you do with this one wild life of yours?” An important part of living out that answer is to choose a decidedly un-wild, one-day-at-a-time, discipline to reach that wild goal. Even a wild woman, like Mary Oliver, wrote her poetry everyday for a proscribed number of hours in her journal. Like a good coach, can you select an undramatic practice that could yield dramatic results in your life? Then, like a wise coach, can you practice a rigorous discipline that includes both firmness, and self-love to stick with your one-day-at-a-time goal?
Dialogue
Have you ever engaged in a yearly Lenten, or Springtime practice of renewal? What has tended to make you stick with such a practice?
What are you thinking about doing this year?
Is your potential practice small enough, yet powerful enough to be worth your while? Here are a couple of examples of what I mean.
(1) I know a woman who decided to engage in three minutes a day of meditation while she waited for her tea to steep. That small seed bore the fruit of a long-term contemplative practice.
(2) Several of my client-couples get up early on a weekend morning for an in-house or backyard date (coffee, getting caught up, and kissing). That investment of a mere sixty to ninety minutes a week can move a marriage from a “B-minus” to a solid “A.”
(3) I have a client that listens to Pray as You Go for ten minutes while rowing on the rowing machine. In this way, he feeds two birds with one crumb.
Have you ever assembled a team of support around a discipline of renewal?
Dr…. If you think this page goes unread, think again. I adore your ramblings… and insightful motiviation.