Recipes for a Tasty Thanksgiving.

Last week’s edition introduced the SMC reader to Vivian. That issue (SMC Nov 5, ’23) went on to say of her, “When she listens to her neighbors, community members and fellow- parishioners, she hears good people countenancing hateful leaders who either openly speak of “retribution” against their fellow citizens, or couching those same sentiments in the soft, yet brutalizing language of elite condescension.” Vivian is far from alone in making observations like these. Lately, it’s begun to feel like W.B. Yeats’ WWI comments about “the center not holding,” may have been written about our time.

As social media, and opportunistic leaders have progressively sorted us into further and further isolated gated ideological communities over the years, I have found that a common question pops up for me in counseling sessions, as well as retreats and workshops this time of year. “What are some good techniques that you would recommend for handling difficult conversations, or difficult relatives over holidays like Thanksgiving or Christmas?” First of all, let me say what a luxury it is that we Americans get to be worried about these kinds of conflicts and not the heart-rending types that are ripping through Gaza, Israel, South Sudan, Ukraine, Haiti, and more. That said, finding a way to address the humanity in one another is not a superficial endeavor for anyone anywhere!

I’ve decided that rather than offering a reflection or an article this week, I would offer you, instead, a Thanksgiving recipe for greater communion around your table. As a priest wannabe, I have discovered over the years, that putting thought and love into the preparation of a meal has a way of leading people to real connection with one another…you might even call it Eucharistic (i.e. a word for what my spiritual tradition uses for Communion). The ethos for what follows can be summed up by a paraphrased quote from Abraham Maslow, “What is deepest within us, is most universal between us.” With that in mind, the answer for Thanksgiving this year, is to go deeper, and closer, rather than more fearful, and superficial. Rather than standing on egg shells this year, I’m inviting you to crack them open a little bit with your guests.

What follows is a list of twenty questions for your Thanksgiving or holiday table. In a recent essay, David Brooks invited his readers to ask “the big questions” the way children who are unafraid of social convention tend to do. You will notice that my list eases their way from the more light-hearted to the more thoughtful. From, “Describing your favorite family vacation” to “If you weren’t afraid, what would you be doing right now?”

How to use these? First of all, you know your guests better than me. Perhaps some questions will work better than others. Keep what’s valuable; discard the rest. Make up a few of your own! If one or another of your guests groans, laugh at yourself along with them, in the spirit of, “I know it’s annoying, but if you want pumpkin pie this year, you’re gonna have to answer at least three of em.” I envision photocopying and cutting them, into individual questions, and placing the duplicates into bowls spaced out for groups of four to five guests where they can go fishing for them.

Alternately, you could sort them into pods of questions, and serve up a new batch with each course. A third alternative would be to place several copies of the whole list around the table for your guests to decide for themselves which ones they want to answer, and in what order. But what if you aren’t hosting this year? Perhaps you could study these and other questions. Wherever you’re headed this Thanksgiving, you could make it a point to ask your dinner companions seated around you some really thoughtful questions that take things to a deeper and more connective place.

Twenty Questions for Thanksgiving Feasting

• Name you favorite thing about your favorite grandparent. Did they have any food recipes that you love?
• What is Disney’s third best animated movie of all time?
• Describe the best family vacation you have ever taken. What was so great about it?
• Describe something that went wrong on a family vacation.
• Two Part Question: Part 1. If money were no object, describe your ideal vacation. Include where you might go, what adventures you would hope to plan or encounter, and whom you might meet there. Part 2. With your current budget, what parts of that “ideal” vacation would be attainable in the here and now with a little ingenuity?
• What do you remember about your very first concert?
• Name a time when you laughed hard.
• Describe a guilty pleasure.
• What is something most people don’t know about you?
• Two Part Question: Part 1. Tell a story from your childhood when you really got in trouble. Part 2. Tell a story from your childhood when you should have gotten into trouble, but you got away with it.

• If you could live any day over again, what would it be?
• What are the ideal characteristics to find in a close friend? What are you doing to grow those ingredients in yourself in the current time zone?
• Two Part Question: Part 1. At this time in your life, how do you define the word “spirituality?” Part 2. Describe a spiritual moment that you have experienced, be sure to include your memory of the setting, as well as what you were thinking, and what you were feeling.
• Describe an unforgettable conversation.
• Four Part Question: Part 1. What is your “Sacred Landscape” (the type of landscape where you are happiest)? (E.G. Mountains, Ocean-side, Desert, Woods, Lake, River) Part 2. What do you like to do in your sacred landscape (eg. paddle, hike, sit still, etc…)? Part 3. Do you have a specific sacred place to which you regularly go? Part 4. Tell a story of a cool experience you encountered in your sacred landscape.
• Describe your experience with imposter’s syndrome. What helps when you feel that way?
• What is giving you a sense of meaning and purpose these days?
• If you weren’t afraid, what would you be doing now?
• What is one habit, that if you could practice it on a regular basis, would change your life for the better?
• Name something you are proud of.

One More Recipe

Over the years, I have found that no matter how many pies I make, hands down, the pie my relatives love the best is my chocolate pie. Hope you like the tasty questions and pie!

Chocolate Cream Pie
Ingredients

The Custard
5 egg yolks (makes it extra rich)
¾ cup sugar
2 Tablespoons corn starch
A pinch of salt
2 ½ Cups whole milk or 1 ¼ skim milk plus ¼ heavy cream. Additional cream and less milk for even more richness.
3.5 ounces dark chocolate bar plus half of another (I like 70% cocoa like Lindt or Ghirardelli’s)
2 teaspoons vanilla extract or one vanilla bean
2 Tablespoon Butter
Whipped Cream or Cool Whip for topping

The Crust
Prebake a 9” pie shell as found in your favorite cookbook. I usually make a standard flour and butter crust, but have been known to make a chocolate cookie and butter crust for this recipe.
Most grocery stores sell a perfectly delicious chocolate cookie or Oreo crust if you want to skip this step.

Decoration
3.5 ounces dark chocolate bar (I like 70% cocoa like Lindt or Ghirardelli’s)

Directions

Mix the egg yolks with the sugar.
Add milk and corn starch to mixture.
Add a pinch of salt.
Heat in a wide sauce pan over medium heat whisking constantly. It will start to thicken all at once. Whisk while its thick for about one minute.
While still hot, whisk in chopped up chocolate.
Mix in vanilla.
Whisk in butter until all ingredients are well mixed. If you are using salted butter, you can omit the pinch of salt earlier in the recipe if you like. I don’t think it matters.
Pour into pie shell and refrigerate immediately for a minimum of six hours. I’ve been known to put it in the freezer for half an hour if I’m pressed for time, and need to refrigerate less than 6 hours.

Topping
After the pie is set in the refrigerator, add whipped topping. I don’t care for meringue, so I use a creamy topping. I have found that Cool Whip holds its peaks better than whipped cream.

If you are using Cool Whip, it is best stored in the freezer. However, you will want to keep it in the refrigerator the night before you want to work with it so that it will be spreadable. You cannot rush the process of thawing a frozen block of it!
If the pie can stay in the fridge until the last minute, and can be stored in the fridge right away, whipped cream would work.

Decoration
Place the 3.5 ounce Lindt or Ghirardelli’s 70% dark chocolate bar in the microwave for ten second intervals until a vegetable peeler run along the width edge of it can peel curly bands of chocolate onto a chilled plate. Refrigerate immediately until you are ready to sprinkle onto the whipped top of the pie.
This pie will keep in the refrigerator for many hours, so it’s ideal to make ahead of time. The filling in the crust can be made up to two days ahead provided that you cover it in cling film until you put the whipped topping and decoration over it.