Vivian is beautiful through and through. It’s not hard to coax a laugh, or thought-provoking conversation from her. That’s why she and her husband are two of my preferred after Mass conversation buddies. Last Sunday, I noticed a far-away look that caused me to ask, “You okay?” “I don’t know if I can do this anymore?” Vivian whispered. The rims of her eyes could no longer contain the surge of emotion that was just now spilling over and onto her cheeks. I’m pretty far from Vivian’s inner circle. I guess I was just at the right place at the right time to find out that she’s a modern-day Woman at the Well (John 4). Like that character in the archetypical Bible story, she was thirsty. For her, the local parish was beginning to look a whole lot like a dry well.
I remember when Sue Morris was thirsty for more. The parish where she’d baptized and educated her kids, was overseen by an authoritarian—more king than pastor. Despite her credentials and vast experience, her desire to provide adult education, as well as spiritual formation, was rejected by this parochial potentate. She wasn’t forbidden to pray and obey… but leadership?… no way! Sue eventually emigrated from those claustrophobia confines, and found a parish that welcomed and put her gifts to good use.
Over the last six weeks, my regular readers have joined me in a case study of Sue’s husband’s resilience in the face of death. Like him, a strong devotion to contemplative prayer animated his wife’s days. Over the decades, I watched her prayer practice expand her focus beyond the boundaries of parish-life. Persuaded by the logic of Cardinal Joseph Bernardin’s “Seamless Garment,” and her son-in-law’s work for death-row inmates, Sue began to advocate for an end to capital punishment. A famous picture, published on the front page of the New York Times (May 10, 1994) captured an iconic moment where Sue’s conviction was tested. It was taken just outside the site of convicted serial murderer, John Gacy’s execution. Her cupped hand around a fragile candle flame was meant to hold vigil for the life of a man, whom Sue believed to be endowed with an inestimable dignity—despite his many brutal acts of inhumanity. The women who came to cheer on his death are captured by the photographer’s lens attempting to snuff out Sue’s flame, and presumably her conviction.
Upon her death, her kids inherited her prayer journals. Her son, Mike, provided me the following quote from the pages of her journal written on the night that picture was snapped.
“I feel exhausted and unclean from my vigiling at the penitentiary for Gacy’s execution. The crowd was so filled with hate and disgust for this man and I was so surrounded by them. It is such a yucky feeling of being immersed in the worst of what is human…in evil…in dark electricity….And yet, I feel so deeply that my time of vigiling was so well spent….A time of bringing light into such darkness (How much this fits with my Easter journey!)…A time of being as close to Gacy as I could be in order to support him in his final hour through my prayer.”
There’s an untamed quality to people who lead authentic spiritual lives. In this brief quote, you can see the dual effect of contemplative surrender. On the one hand, it tends to lead a person away from a blissed-out quietism into courageous activity. On the other hand, you can clearly see in this brief quote that staying connected to a limitless source of Love is a necessary condition for maintaining a core of love and peace. That’s what sustained Sue in the face of “the worst of what is human.” She nurtured a practice of resting in the Presence of Holy Mystery every single day… and that well never ran dry for her.
I’m not sure where Vivian’s Calling will lead her. I know enough from the thimble full of vulnerability that she shared with me after Mass that her heart is taking a pathway that I recognize. I saw it in Jim’s wife, Sue, whose encounters with Holy Mystery in contemplative practice increased her sense of compassion and concern beyond the confines of her family, friends, and neighborhood. The respective research of Lawrence Kohlberg and James Fowler in moral and spiritual development predicts an ever-expanding field of concern as a person makes their way through the stages of moral and spiritual actualization. That’s just what unfolded in Sue, and I believe is now unfolding in my friend, Vivian.
When Vivian looks out at the world, she sees what Pope Francis sees (Laudato Si, 2015). She sees what my children see. She sees a planet made sick by a human-made fever—climate change—that is already displacing and killing the world’s poorest. She sees whole groups of people marginated both inside and outside their churches, synagogues and temples. When she listens to her neighbors, community members and fellow-parishioners, she hears good people countenancing hateful leaders who either openly speak of “retribution” against their fellow citizens, or couching those same sentiments in the soft, yet brutalizing language of elite condescension. Like Sue, she is disappointed in her pastor, her bishop, and decades of church leadership that has failed to challenge the status quo, and even reflects it in their own systemic practices. She wants to hear a stronger, prophetic voice from her milquetoast pastor and parish council.
I don’t yet know how Vivian’s Calling will take flesh in the world. I do know that hanging around such people as Sue and Vivian should be done with care. Sue noticed a kind of dark electricity that flows through a mob. People animated by a genuine Calling, tend to pass along a kind of powerful electricity of their own. If you’re not careful, their Energy Source has a way of pulling you out of your comfort zone leading you into places that will make you feel anything but safe.
Questions for Conversation
“How do you stay mentally healthy and spiritually whole in brutalizing times? How do you prevent yourself from becoming embittered, hate-filled, calloused over, suspicious and desensitized?” (David Brooks, Nov 2, 2023 New York Times, “How to Stay Sane in Brutalizing Times”)
“What must a person do to pursue the conviction that Love alone endures, that Love is still the single most potent force for change on earth, and that the intentional and courageous practice of Love still has the power to transform this tattered, and torn world?”